Written by Lisa O Reilly – Crest Counselling
We do have a choice in how we respond to Anxiety, that is the good news. How do we do this? Well the answer in theory is straight forward, putting it into practice is challenging but non the less achievable. We can change the way we react to mild to moderate anxiety by changing our ‘language’ or ‘self talk’. Take a look at the following examples and see if you can identify with some of the dialogue used. Then try to implement the remaining examples.
The Anxious mind – typical self talk/language:
Narrative #1/ Response #1 equals negative outcome
- “I feel anxious”
- “I shouldn’t, be feeling this way” – “there must be something wrong with me”
- “I need to make it go away”
- “Why won’t it go away”
- “I’m starting to feel worse now”
- “I need to get out of here before anyone notices”
- Then you look for the nearest exit and make a run for it!! See how quickly thoughts spiral out of control.
First off notice the “shoulds” and “musts” in narrative #1. By simply using these words you are feeding into the anxiety sending yourself the message “I absolutely must not feel Anxious right now” see how much pressure your mind is under now.
Try this instead.
Narrative #2 / Response #2 equals positive outcome
- “I feel Anxious”
- “Perhaps I,ll feel better if I take a minute and breathe”
- “that’s not really helping still feeling a little anxious”
- “that’s OK”
- “Now I,m going to focus my attention on something else, I,ll distract myself from my anxious thoughts by counting all the red objects in a room (for example)”
- “That feels much better”
Notice how calmer these thoughts are, less erratic and more forgiving. No “shoulds” and “musts”! pressure off instantaneously. If you do suffer from anxiety narrative #1 may have even triggered a little turbulence, reading narrative #2 you may have noticed a slight ease. Just by changing the language.
Before moving onto narrative #3 consider this for a moment.
How we talk to ourselves and how we talk to others can lend itself to negative outcomes. And if we step outside our neurotic selves for a few moments we might just notice the absurdity of the language we use when communicating to ourselves. Take a few moments and think about this..ask yourself this question. If a friend were feeling anxious. What would you tell your friend?
Narrative #3/Response #3 equals positive outcome
Again this is also a distraction technique. Through asking the question how would someone else feel in this situation shifts the focus away from your Anxious thoughts. Again pay particular attention to the different response by simply changing the language.
- “I feel anxious”
- “What’s wrong with me?”
- “if one of my friends felt anxious in this situation, I wouldn’t think anything was wrong with them”
- “It,s reasonable to think that anyone might feel anxious in this situation, not just me”
- “Anxiety is a natural part of being human”
- “It s okay to feel Anxious”
- “If my friend were feeling anxious that’s what I would be saying to them”
Give it a try. It takes practice and some awareness to catch ourselves when we use negative self talk. Just remember by changing the language you are changing the story and in return a more favourable outcome. Keep asking yourself the question. Is there another way I can respond to this.
Distracting your Anxious mind: by Lisa O Reilly – Crest Counselling
Random thoughts are normal and we all experience them. They are beneficial but can have an emotional cost particularly if you are trying to overcome anxiety. If you suffer from anxiety and your mind begins to wander into a negative place it produces a stream of negative outcomes. We can’t prevent our minds from wandering if we did our brains would shut down completely. However the mind that continually wanders into a negative space which in turn feeds into anxiety can be interrupted. So how is this acheivable? The answer is by redirecting your thoughts through distraction. Consider this for a moment when our minds become overwhelmed it stays stuck in a pattern of negative thoughts.
This has an effect on our confidence and self- esteem and can result in a general feeling of helplessness and a lack of control over our lives. So by creating a distraction we can begin to feel more confident and in control. The following are examples of how to redirect negative thought patterns and the great thing about these ideas is they are simple and easily accessible.
The quickest most effective way of distracting you from negative thoughts is through physical activity. For example cleaning your house and focusing on one room at a time, washing your car, cleaning out cupboards, hoovering, running 10km, Swimming 10 lengths of the pool the choice is yours and have fun deciding! However you do need to consider the following –
- Have a clear goal in mind before you start
- Keep it simple it must be attainable.
- Your goal must require a certain amount of physical energy
- Remain focused on what you are trying to achieve
- Enjoy the sense of achievement when you obtain that goal
The last is probably the most important so remember what it feels like or better still write it down.
